Mixed Emotions
by PixiePoop
Summary: Leah Clearwater just wants someone to love her and when someone 'comes on the scene' she has no idea what to do.
1. Chapter 1

Leah

I let the silent tears fall as I stared out across the ocean, lost in the dark haze of my own mind. The dark sky resembled that of velvet, star-sprinkled and beautiful. I felt a sense of pride rush over me, pride that I could look at something without turning my nose up in disgust. I was fortunate enough to have a few spare moments in which no one was inside my head; I thought about how lonely I was, how much I needed someone who loved me the way I used to – and still do to this very moment – love Sam Uley. I remembered our plans, how we had intended to spend our lives together. I lay my head on my thick paws and watched the silent clouds pass by the moon, creating a ghostly shadow and affecting the little light that was shining upon me, and then indulging me in an eerily white luminescence.

'Getting emotional are we Leah?' Jacob interrupted my moment.

'Go away, Jake, you're not wanted here.'

'I lost someone too, y'know? I know how you are feeling; I understand how much pain you are in.'

Jacob didn't know the first thing about how I was feeling. He had no idea how much my heart ached, the strain each pound put upon it. I sighed mentally and adjusted my position so I was facing the direction of Jake's thoughts, although I could not see him for the thick forest of trees.

'Maybe, but at least you found someone. I don't believe there's anyone out there for me.'

Jacob growled moodily, obviously tired of my constant complaints; 'trust me, I thought exactly the same when I lost Bella. I thought my life was over, I thought there was no one else for me out there until that moment when I stared into Nessie's eyes...' Jacob's thoughts turned to when he had first met Renesmee and then changed abruptly to Bella as a vampire.

'Jake, please?'

'..Sorry.' Jacob hung his head in mock embarrassment. Honestly, he could be so aggravating sometimes. I supposed he thought he was helping me to move on but in fact, he was feeding the jealous monster inside me, urging it on, and tempting it to do things that I would never have dreamed. A loud growl ripped from my chest and ran for the forest, the tears streaming.

Blythe


	2. Chapter 2

Leah's P.O.V

I was dreaming. I knew I was dreaming because I was on First Beach but this wasn't the reason, the reason was that the Cullens were there and because their eyes were not hazel, not butter, not honey but crimson.

They were closing in on something, the blood lust apparent in their expressions and I braced myself for the scream that I knew was coming. It never did. All I heard was the gentle sob of a child in distress and, even though I knew it was a dream, I just couldn't leave that child to die, not in such a horrific manner, a manner in which I would hate to leave this world in. I was about to run but then became aware of a small group of children standing on the far edge of the beach, behind them, a forest of trees and bushes; they didn't appear to be talking, or moving for that matter and I worried that the Cullens had hurt them. It took all my courage to move forwards, to take those first few steps toward the manic vampire coven but I did it, I closed the long distance between us and I was aware that the blood suckers didn't acknowledge my presence though I was right next too them now and they should surely see me.

The coven was still ghosting toward the child, a girl who had her back to me. She had long dark hair and olive skin, obviously from the reservation. I crept closer, trying not too frighten her; her small sobs stopped and I knew she could sense the heat radiating from my body and so, I touched her shoulder with the very tops of my fingertips and the child turned around in terror. There was a small movement by the forest edge which I noticed from the corner of my eye. I turned and saw the group of children swaying slightly, as if about to depart and it was then that I noticed who they were; they were the former figures of Jacob and Rachael Black, Embry and Jared, my brother, Seth, Emily and Sam Uley. They had all stood by, allowed the vampires to get close to this child, nearly let her see death and I wondered why. The children were already turning away into the forest, "Wait!" I wanted too call but I was afraid the Cullens would realise I was there. I turned toward the child, who was looking at me now and everything made sense. It all made sense about why the children had stood by, it was unhappy childhood memories when everyone used to watch as you were picked on, doing and saying nothing, it was the greatest fear a person could own, understandably spine chilling. It all made sense as I stared into the eyes of myself as a child...

It was then that I woke up.


	3. Chapter 3

Leah's P.O.V

"What?" I asked my mom, mouth wide open in shock.

"I said, I want you to join the school cheer squad, Billy Black suggested it. I think it will help."

"Help with what exactly? I don't want to be a cheer leader!" I growled, standing up from the dinner table, my hands trembling with the anger coursing through my body.

"Leah, calm down. Please just listen too me; it's just that, well, you've been so low since Sam...well you know. You've been so upset that your pain was unbearable, it was like I could feel all the hurt you could and I don't want that anymore, for you, for me, for Seth, for your dad. Honey, do you remember when your dad passed? We all came together as a family? I want us to be like that again, I want you to be happy and cheer leading, well, it's mood lifting and I'm sort of hoping you'll meet a guy through it; someone that won't hurt you like Sam did."

So that was what this was about, setting me up with some basket ball player from the reservation's high school. My mom was just going to dump me off on some fitness fanatic who shot hoops as a hobby and I would be his 'zany' girlfriend who couldn't stop smiling. I didn't want this, I didn't want people being sympathetic toward me, I was harsh, I had no care for others around me, not since I was cruelly treated by the so-called 'love of life', dropped for my own cousin, a new and improved version of myself. A deep growl rumbled through my chest as memories of that horrific day played back in my mind and I wanted to scream, I wanted to throw the table in front of me across the room, I wanted to crush the Earth between my thumb and fore finger but I knew it would only upset my mom. Mom, I looked at her, her face was gaunt and she had deep circles beneath her eyes from restless nights and her usually smiling eyes were drooped at the edges, and lacked any trace of hope. Her whole appearance was washed out and exhausted and it was all because of me. This once so happy woman had become a skeleton because of my selfish behaviour. I'd had her waiting on me, hand and foot and now I deeply regretted it; I'd taken advantage of her, allowed her to be run ragged, I'd dragged her into my issues and I'd ruined her life. I chewed all this up inside my head, maybe I owed her something in return.

I sighed, "Fine, but once I turn eighteen, I'm out."

Her lips curved up slightly at the edges, triumphantly; she'd won and she knew it. I resumed to eating my dinner and I knew this was yet another thing I was going to regret. I looked across to Seth who had been shovelling his dinner down throughout the argument, his eyes were apologetic, as though it had been him who had suggested the idea. I quite deliberately stuck my tongue out at him and fought back a smile. It was a game we used to play when we were kids; I would pretend to be angry at him then do something silly and it would burst into a fit of hysterics. Now that I looked at him properly, I realised just how mature he looked, he was beginning to fill out and his facial feature were losing their baby qualities. I could not deny that no matter how much Seth annoyed me, I loved him and I always would.


End file.
